*Glorpy Warning: Political jokes and satire are rampant in this piece*
Hello All! My name is GlorpZorp, but my friends call me Glorpy!
The stereotypical, “Take me to your leader,” phrase said by aliens, like me, in Earth’s films still cause me to laugh. Us other-worldly creatures do not care about your leader nor would we have to look too hard to find him or her*. Although I have only been using the internet on a laptop for a week, the top advertisements when I open bing.com consist of the American president, whom you all call “Trump.” I find it extremely progressive that the human race has chosen a leader of a different species; it’s a sign of unity, and we all know that America is known for being unified and steadfast. Unfortunately, for now, this Trump has been “impeached,” but there is no shortage of drama from the other party on their decision for who is running on their behalf in the upcoming elections. This other party, the Democratic Party, seems to have ideals consisting of equality, supporting every minority (even aliens?). They are having what seems like pre-voting in which each state’s residents vote for which candidate they would like to re-vote for in the actual election versus the Trump. One candidate, Bernie Sanders, seems to be ahead in most states, even though he also part of the Socialist party, which does not seem to have much prevalence in the media. Bernie is doing what’s best for himself, like I am. I left my planet for a better chance at achieving my goals here on Earth, and he is a socialist but is running under the democratic party to better his chances of ruling America. This Bernie seems to be very popular with the smaller humans who have not been alive for longer than 18-29 years. This section of humans in 2016, however, made up 46.1% of voters, even though only 50% of those eligible actually voted(1). I do not understand why if one has the opportunity to have a say in who controls their country’s economy, laws, and weapons, they choose to not vote. In other words, even though he is popular he may still lose against the orange man due to fleeting loyalty from his followers or crazy devotion from the Trump’s followers. Both candidates have a good, equal amount of previous experience in politics and running things: Bernie was Vermont’s at-large Congressman from 1991 to 2007, he’s been the junior United States Senator since 2007, and he is the longest-serving independent in U.S. congressional history, and Trump ran a show called “The Apprentice.” An idea of Bernie’s that I really like is for tuition-free public college. I have seen many people on the streets of California wearing tattered clothing asking for cash, which I recently discovered is the green paper-like currency used to barter in America. An education is very important in Kawakatawk, as it must be here as well. College should be free so no one has to sit on the streets and beg for money, when they could instead get an education and a career. We will see the outcome of this election in a long time, but I am excited to vote! (if I can become a citizen by then!)
*After doing a very small amount of research, I have discovered that America has never had a single female leader. Sorry for the incorrect assumption that both genders would have been represented equally in the government.
(1) https://civicyouth.org/quick-facts/youth-voting/
written by: GlorpZorp Katawk January 17, 2020 (4:14 pm)
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